The Insula, Trauma, and Black Men: Understanding the Mind-Body Disconnect by Shanique Y. Meyler

How Trauma Rewires the Insula in Men

The insula is a part of the brain that helps connect how we feel inside our bodies with our emotions. It plays a huge role in emotional processing, bodily awareness, and even decision-making. When we experience trauma—especially from childhood experiences like conditional parental love or feeling like you’re never “good enough”—the insula can be deeply affected. Research suggests that the insula in men who’ve experienced trauma often shows increased activity, and in some cases, it even becomes structurally larger than in non-traumatized men. This can have serious effects on emotional regulation, hypervigilance, and the way trauma is processed. This can lead to:

• Hypervigilance: Feeling constantly on edge or on guard.
• Intrusive Thoughts & Flashbacks: The insula’s heightened activity makes it easier to “relive” traumatic experiences, bringing back painful memories as if they’re happening all over again.
• Difficulty Regulating Emotions: If the insula is altered, it can make it harder to manage anger, frustration, or sadness, leading to emotional outbursts or numbness.

Imagine you’re in a high-stress argument—maybe with your boss, your partner, or even a family member. Your heart starts racing, your hands clench, your stomach tightens. That’s your insula at work, picking up on physical sensations and tying them to emotions. Anger, frustration, sadness. 

Now if you grew up in a household where you’re never allowed to disagree with your parents, hence being socialize to never argue or overtly express disagreement with authority figure. If you grew up in an environment where love felt conditional—like your worth was tied to achievements or meeting someone else’s expectations—you might feel an automatic sense of failure or shame every time you express your displeasure ot disagreement. Your body physically reacts because your brain has been conditioned to link conflict with not being good enough. You can even feel physically sick. So to prevent this feeling, your body employs avoidance as a false protection. As a result, when there’s conflict, you never argue, you never share your displeasure or difference of opinion. This is a trauma response that locks the body in a cycle of emotional pain.

The Black Male Experience: When “Man Up” Becomes a Trap

For Black men, trauma isn’t just personal—it’s often cultural and systemic. Many Black men grow up in households where strength is prioritized, emotions are suppressed, and “manning up” is the only acceptable response to hardship. If you were raised in an environment where your emotions weren’t valued or where your success was the only way to earn love, your insula might be working overtime—constantly on alert, constantly reacting, and making it hard to truly feel safe in your own body.

When trauma disrupts the insula, it can make it difficult to know what to do in stressful situations. 

Instead of making clear-headed decisions, many men either:

• Shut down emotionally (numbness, avoidance, detachment).
• Explode emotionally (anger, frustration, lashing out).
• Stay stuck in survival mode (never feeling safe or at ease).

Breaking the Cycle: How to Reconnect with Yourself

Healing starts with rebuilding the connection between the insula and your body. Here are some ways to start:

1. Mindful Body Awareness – Taking moments to check in with how your body feels (heartbeat, breath, muscle tension) helps rebuild that lost connection.
2. Therapeutic Practices – Talking to someone who understands trauma, especially someone culturally competent, can help process these experiences.
3. Movement & Breathwork – Activities like yoga, deep breathing, or even certain sports help regulate the insula’s overactivity and bring you back into your body.
4. Redefining Strength – Real strength isn’t just suppressing emotions; it’s learning how to navigate them with awareness.

Final Thoughts

The insula isn’t just a part of your brain—it’s how you connect with yourself. Trauma, especially from childhood and cultural expectations, can disrupt this connection, making it harder to process emotions, manage stress, and make clear decisions. But the good news? The brain can change. Healing is possible, and it starts with recognizing how trauma has shaped your responses—then taking steps to rebuild that lost connection.

Dealing with Grief

When someone we love deeply and who has profoundly influenced our lives dies, we often experience a fundamental shift in our psychological and emotional state. It feels like a sharp turning point: behind us lies who we were before their passing, and ahead is the person we are becoming in their absence.

State Before Loss

Before the loved one’s death, the strong emotional bonds we form with them become central to our sense of security, well-being, and identity. These relationships often serve as pillars of emotional stability and self-definition, providing a deep sense of belonging, purpose, and continuity. This person adds meaning and connection to our lives, strengthening our self-concept and building a shared tapestry of experiences. The bond and the regular interactions we have with them create a steady, comforting “emotional baseline.”

State After Loss

When this person dies, the comforting emotional baseline is disrupted, leaving a sense of emotional fragmentation and profound disorientation. Without the emotional anchor they provided, feelings of insecurity, confusion, and abandonment often arise. Psychologically, this stage involves a challenging process of adaptation, marked by phases that may include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and eventually (and hopefully) acceptance. Yet, these stages are not experienced in a simple linear progression; rather, people tend to move back and forth between them, as grief unfolds in a fluid, cyclical process.

Moving Toward Healing

The journey toward healing is not about “moving on” but rather about “moving forward” with the loss woven into the fabric of our life story, as we strive to make sense of the experience and integrate it into our personal narrative. This process may involve reshaping our sense of self, discovering new sources of meaning, or even developing an identity enriched by the loved one’s memory. Such reframing can gradually fill the void left by their absence, fostering growth, acceptance, and peace.

Grief isn’t about forgetting; it’s about adapting and finding meaningful ways to honor the impact of someone who loved us and whom we deeply loved. Though their absence alters our world, over time, it also reshapes how we experience connection, meaning, and resilience, allowing us to carry forward their legacy in our own lives.

4. Reframe Grief as Part of Your Values

• Recognize that grief is often a reflection of love and connection, deeply tied to your core values. Acknowledge that your pain speaks to what mattered most.
• Use this awareness to stay connected to your values. If connection and love are central to you, think about ways to honor these values even after the loss.

5. Take Committed Action in Line with Your Values

• Identify small actions aligned with your values. If kindness was central to the person you lost, consider an act of kindness in their memory. If adventure was important, explore a new place in their honor.
• Even small steps—helping others, connecting with loved ones, or returning to hobbies—can reconnect you with purpose in the face of pain.

6. Practice Self-Compassion and Kindness

• Approach yourself with compassion, acknowledging that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. Treat yourself with the same understanding you’d offer a friend.
• Give yourself permission to grieve at your own pace, free from judgment. Self-compassion is a key element and supports the healing process.

7. Develop Psychological Flexibility

• Increase your psychological flexibility—the ability to respond to emotions and challenges with openness and adaptability. When waves of grief arise, sit with them and let them pass naturally.
• Use coping strategies like deep breathing, grounding exercises, or simply walking, to stay adaptable to the range of emotions you may encounter.

8. Reflect on Your Values and the “Why” of Moving Forward

• Reflect on the values that define your life and how they might guide you through grief. This could mean focusing on connection, resilience, or kindness.
• Ask yourself questions like, “What do I want my life to represent, even with this loss?” or “What steps align with who I want to be moving forward?”

9. Journal or Write Letters to Your Loved One

• Journaling can be a powerful outlet for processing emotions. Try writing letters to your loved one, sharing updates, expressing feelings, or reflecting on cherished memories.
• Consider writing a gratitude letter, focusing on the positive impact they had on your life, which can bring a sense of peace.

10. Incorporate Their Legacy into Your Life

• Find ways to carry forward their legacy. If they loved helping others, volunteer or support causes they were passionate about.
• Plant a tree or create a small garden in their honor, symbolizing growth, remembrance, and continuity.

11. Engage in Physical Activity

• Physical movement, such as walking, running, or going to the gym, can help release pent-up emotions and clear your mind.
• Spending time in nature can also be grounding, offering a sense of renewal and perspective in difficult times.

12. Connect with Support Networks

• Reach out to friends, family, or support groups who understand your grief and can offer comfort.
• Consider joining a grief support group for shared connection and mutual support with others navigating similar experiences.

13. Allow Yourself to Feel

• Avoid rushing or suppressing emotions; allow yourself to feel sadness, anger, or other emotions as they arise.
• Practice mindful breathing or intentional reflections to sit with these emotions without judgment, helping to reduce their intensity over time.

14. Engage in Creative Outlets

• Express yourself through art, music, or other creative activities that can help process emotions and create an outlet for remembrance.
• Create a scrapbook, photo album, or memory box filled with meaningful items that bring happy memories.

15. Establish a “New Normal” Gradually

• Slowly reintroduce routines or activities that bring comfort and stability, helping you find a sense of normalcy.
• Explore new activities that bring comfort and joy, while respecting your own pace.

16. Seek Professional Help if Needed

• If grief becomes overwhelming, consider speaking with a grief counselor or therapist who can offer support and coping strategies.
• Therapeutic approaches, such as ACT and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), can provide structured support and help find meaning in the midst of loss.

Using these approaches, you can integrate the experience of loss into a life that gradually embraces healing, meaning, and connection, even as you honor the memory of the person who was so deeply loved.

LGBTQ Resources